But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
