Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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