i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My ATM looks so different sober.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
