Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
