He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
