I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
