It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
worst night to have a conscience
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
