My liver just broke up with me...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
