So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize