I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
