When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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