Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
