I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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