Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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