totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
