Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
