I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
