Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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