Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
