How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
