dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
