I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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