There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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