I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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