I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
