You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
