Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
