Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
