I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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