he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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