Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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