wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
