The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
