Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
