pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
