Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
