I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
