But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
