didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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