We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
