are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I AM VODKA MAN
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize