My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I party with great urgency now.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
