I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize