i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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