White coat. Heels.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
