Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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