Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
