Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
