Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
