the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am available for nakedness
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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