A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
