how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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