I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
porn star boner night. come get it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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