just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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