I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A bitchslap is in order.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
