I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
