I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
