I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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