Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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