The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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